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Is your wife scared to fly?

bret

bret

Well Known Member
My wife is deathly afraid to fly even a commercial jet. To day for my birthday she said she would taxi around with me, I couldn't believe it, we hopped in the Sky hawk (still building the 7) and taxied around Kmev, then she said we can go up if you want, Really? are you sure? so we did one lap around the pattern and landed, a little crying and other noises but she did it, she said she wanted to do this for me on my B Day! I never thought she would ever do this. I love my wife!
 
Any ideas on how to help your wife? Mine gets the "spins" and illusion of falling whenever we feel any turbulence at all. She won't fly with me again in my -6, but is willing but still very scared to go in the Bonanza.

She's going to try to get a Xanax prescription, but that seems kind of extreme?

I would appreciate anything that's worked for other people.
 
Mine doesn't get scared at all. Not even when I managed the prop strike, with her in it. She only had tears in her eyes...........when I said I was going to cut the wings off with a sawzall, to get it home. I was mad.....but didn't do it..

L.Adamson -- 6A, might be a 6, someday
 
No, but....

I was very afraid of flying, even commercially, when I took flying lessons. I'm pretty sure there would have been no other way for me to get past the fear. At that time, I had two irrational fears. (Well, both involved things of somewhat elevated risk but my fear far exceeded their risk.) Living in paralyzing fear of flying just wasn't acceptable to me. I had to overcome the fear.

I knew that part of my fear (and the reason I could rationalize the fear) was that I wasn't able to fly and land the plane if something went wrong. I was completely dependent on the pilot. And, no matter how skilled the pilot is, things happen. Bird strikes, heart attacks, etc. I hated it when I was lowered into or hauled out of pit by others or a winch but was perfectly comfortable hanging 500 m above the ground if I was in control of my ascent and descent and had either rigged the rope or ensured it was rigged properly. So, I learned to fly. Several years later, I stumbled into an opportunity to have my other fear treated by a professional. I swear, he cured me of a life-long phobia in less than 15 minute! I then learned that psychologists consider phobias one of the easiest disorders to cure. Knowing what I know now, I would have sought out professional help for my two fears decades earlier. Irrational fear is such a quality-of-life inhibiter and, apparently, overcoming those fears with a little help is remarkably easy.
 
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See if there is a female CFI in the area, and try to schedule an hour or so with her for your wife.

Explain to the CFI what you are doing, dont force things-----the hour may not even get the engine started, just talking and familiarization stuff will make a huge difference.

And, if she (your wife) does choose to go flying, more to the better.
 
Louise Hose said:
I was very afraid of flying, even commercially, when I took flying lessons. I'm pretty sure there would have been no other way for me to get past the fear. At that time, I had two irrational fears. (Well, both involved things of somewhat elevated risk but my fear far exceeded their risk.) Living in paralyzing fear of flying just wasn't acceptable to me. I had to overcome the fear.

I knew that part of my fear (and the reason I could rationalize the fear) was that I wasn't able to fly and land the plane if something went wrong. I was completely dependent on the pilot. And, no matter how skilled the pilot is, things happen. Bird strikes, heart attacks, etc. I hated it when I was lowered into or hauled out of pit by others or a wench but was perfectly comfortable hanging 500 m above the ground if I was in control of my ascent and descent and had either rigged the rope or ensured it was rigged properly. So, I learned to fly. Several years later, I stumbled into an opportunity to have my other fear treated by a professional. I swear, he cured me of a life-long phobia in less than 15 minute! I then learned that psychologists consider phobias one of the easiest disorders to cure. Knowing what I know now, I would have sought out professional help for my two fears decades earlier. Irrational fear is such a quality-of-life inhibiter and, apparently, overcoming those fears with a little help is remarkably easy.
Click to expand...

WOW! afraid to fly and then go and get a PPL. That is amazing! Good for you! I don't know if I could do that.
 
My wife on the other hand gets a kick out of rolling, steep turns and getting into IMC.

Last time we flew to Monterey when the ceiling was just at minimum, she was so excited while I was trying to keep her looking for the ground.


Happy B-day!
 
Just my observation - I don't know anything

The wives that I know that are afraid to fly are afraid of the unknown and someone in their lives often sadly to say it is their husband has reinforced that fear. I was always very honest with my wife and I fully accepteted the responsibility fo completing the flight successfully. I always flew my wife in conjunction with a trip to a destination that would give her some joy or at least satisfaction and I never ever tried to "give her a thrill." The flying was always about the trip not the flying. Later we got into a mode of flight planning where I did the chart work and dictated the information to her and she wrote it down on the flight log form. After we had the basic route plan in she would read back the distances and I would calculate the estimated time enroute which she would enter on the form then she would read the individual times and miles and I would calculate the total time and distance which she again entered at the bottom of the flight plan form. Stil later when we got the Garmin 695 I would go to the charts and determine the Victor airway route and she would enter the turnpoints into the 695 and after completing that we still went through the process to complete the flight planning form for pilotage, dead reckoning and radio navigation. She was very much a part of EVERY trip. She really grew into her teammate role and was darn proud of her part in our trip planning. So was I.

A friend married a girl from San Diego that talked a good "I love to fly" game. She was a beautiful girl and he cared a lot for her. She flew to Oshkosh with him and made other trips. Once they were flying in the vicinity of Long Beach, California and he rolled the airplane and told her it was caused by the winds - give me a break - It scared her to the point that she gave up trying and simply refused to fly anymore in small airplanes. There is an old military saying that means something like "your mess kit is for eating out of, not putting your mess in" that kind of applies.

Bret I think you are doing it right - I'm happy for you.

Bob Axsom
 
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I've had quite a few nervous passengers and, so far, every one of them wants to fly with me again. I've had passengers that are afraid of flying and/or afraid of heights. I believe these 3 key points are instrumental for a successful flight with a nervous passenger.

1. A desire to overcome their fear.

2. Lots of patience. Explain things. Make sure they are comfortable with what's going on and don't surprise them. Be prepared to cut the flight short. No need to endure a long flight needlessly.

3. Confidence. You must fly confidently and don't fidget or mess with your instruments needlessly. Your passenger has a microscope on your every move and if you keep adjusting your altimeter/radio/EMS they will think it is broken and lose confidence. And no matter what, don't say Oops!

But, that's just my opinion of what's worked for me. I think if your working with someone that has a clinical phobia, ask a professional for help!
 
Lessons

Married my wife 4 years ago. During the early phases of our relationship, I told her how important flying was to me and she told me that she was afraid of flying. She is Korean/American. I paid for a set of introductory lessons with a Korean speaking CFI. The first 'lesson' was placing her in the left seat of a Cherokee and he explained to her how airplanes fly. It was quite windy and the airplane was 'rocking around' as the wind blew past the wings, etc. He explained that this was 'normal' not only on the ground but in the air as well.

The CFI then asked her if she wanted to 'go and fly' and she said 'yes' somewhat hesitantly. I had briefed her on how to 'steer the airplane on the ground' but it didn't show it much as we 'S' turned a lot as we taxied to the end of the runway!!! Tower said "looks like you have a new one there" to us as we taxied by!!! My 'then girlfriend' has no idea why the CFI and I were laughing.

So, as we gained speed on the first take off run, she was excited but afraid. She screamed a little as the aircraft rotated and then began to laugh with happiness!!! the CFI allowed her to perform the climb out and by the time that we reached the practice area, was enjoying being in an airplane. I am lucky. That flight and others were 'pass or fail' for our future together.

It was a matter of understanding and control with her. As she gained knowledge of how an airplane flies, she was able to relax and enjoy flying. So give you wife a few lessons with an understanding CFI. Make sure that that CFI knows what's at stake for you and be patient.
 
Mike S said:
See if there is a female CFI in the area, and try to schedule an hour or so with her for your wife.

Explain to the CFI what you are doing, dont force things-----.
Click to expand...

I think Mike is on the right track here!

My wife is scared of everything, but she flys with me in "Tango Whiskey" when there is a mission involved. She dosen't enjoy flying just for the sake of flying but if there is a "reward" at the end of the flight (weekend getaway, nice dinner, vacation etc.) she's ready and willing! I broke her in easy on breakfast flights, short business flights (her business) etc. of less than an hour.

We live in north central Tennessee and have relatives in Sarasota, Fl (13 hours in a car). After her "breakin" I talked her into her 1st long X-country to Sarasota (3 hrs & 50 min in "Tango Whiskey"). Well.............. Right after Tampa Approach handed us off to Sarasota Tower, I looked at her and said "you'll have to admit that this beats the h*ll out of that 13 hour car ride"!? She looked at me with a sheepish grin and said, "Yep, it does"! She's been "on board" for the last 10 or 12 trips we've made down there (some even in the "soup") and wouldn't consider that 13 hour drive anymore.

Hope this helps,
 
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Louise

Is right on. Seek professional help! It's a psychological issue, not a flight instructor issue. It could be a simple fix.
 
My wife was deadly very afraid of flying. She had a previous bad experience with her ex. He let go of the controls and she freaked out. I had to undo that guy?s mistake and it took a long time to do. She always knew how important flying is/was to me. I bought my first plane and that gave her some interest. On our first flight I proposed to her. And we came right back. Every flight after that was a little bit longer. Always during the evenings and when the winds were calm. She started with Dramamine then graduated to some wrist bands because she gets motion sickness. Eventually we made it to lunch at a different airport, then a different state and finally a across the U.S.

Every time a noise happens or the plane moves in an unexpected way or I think there is an opportunity to learn, I speak with her. I teach her so she can understand the environment and also so she can stay occupied. Things such as check list, flaps cleared, canopy cleared, traffic at 9 o?clock high left to right, I got controls, etc? have worked for her and I. She does not do it right every time but It gives us a chance to talk and get her mind on something else other than ?I am scared?.

One of the biggest factors in her wanting to go flying was the RV-4. She has her own space, we can get to places quickly, she has music and the view out of the canopy is spectacular. It takes time and patience. And sometimes I forget that. And we end up taking a few steps back. She is comfortable now, she does not love it like me.

I just took a friend flying that would cry every time she flew commercially. On her second flight I had her confident enough to do one roll. After that one we did one in the opposite direction. Keep working at it. It can be done. Good luck to you.
 
Best Date Ever

On our first date I flew my Extra to Plant City (we met on the Internet). She picked me up, and we had lunch at Paneras, then went for a canoe trip on the Peace River. When she dropped me back at the airport, I offered to give her a ride, not really expecting her to want to, but to my surprise she did.

I still have the video - loops, rolls, hammerheads and all! (I can give a very gentle acro ride.)

That was almost seven years ago, and we have been married almost six.

I know how fortunate I am. Blessed would be a better word.
 
My wife, Nann was also afraid to fly, even commercially. Early on, I would always try to keep her informed of what I was doing. No surprises, steep turns or steep descents. I'd get her involved by spotting airports, other planes... A few times I had to unplug her headsets/mic to get her attention as she would start freaking out thinking we were going to crash. You get the picture. She would settle down and I would plug her back in. She always wanted to know what was going on. Now she stays quiet when we hit any bumps or on short final. It's all about trust.

Once we started going on longer trips, Key West, Bahamas, NC mountains, Yellowstone, she really started to love the adventures, especially when we used the courtesy cars to go to lunch.

Then one day, she wanted me to do some wingovers, 2G turns & spiraling descents as she began to understand how controllable the RV really was.

It took a few years, but now she's a great traveler and wants to take part in the pinch hitter program that offers basic piloting skills.
 
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Bob Axsom said:
The wives that I know that are afraid to fly are afraid of the unknown and someone in their lives often sadly to say it is their husband has reinforced that fear. I was always very honest with my wife and I fully accepteted the responsibility fo completing the flight successfully. I always flew my wife in conjunction with a trip to a destination that would give her some joy or at least satisfaction and I never ever tried to "give her a thrill." The flying was always about the trip not the flying. Later we got into a mode of flight planning where I did the chart work and dictated the information to her and she wrote it down on the flight log form. After we had the basic route plan in she would read back the distances and I would calculate the estimated time enroute which she would enter on the form then she would read the individual times and miles and I would calculate the total time and distance which she again entered at the bottom of the flight plan form. Stil later when we got the Garmin 695 I would go to the charts and determine the Victor airway route and she would enter the turnpoints into the 695 and after completing that we still went through the process to complete the flight planning form for pilotage, dead reckoning and radio navigation. She was very much a part of EVERY trip. She really grew into her teammate role and was darn proud of her part in our trip planning. So was I.

A friend married a girl from San Diego that talked a good "I love to fly" game. She was a beautiful girl and he cared a lot for her. She flew to Oshkosh with him and made other trips. Once they were flying in the vicinity of Long Beach, California and he rolled the airplane and told her it was caused by the winds - give me a break - It scared her to the point that she gave up trying and simply refused to fly anymore in small airplanes. There is an old military saying that means something like "your mess kit is for eating out of, not putting your mess in" that kind of applies.

Bret I think you are doing it right - I'm happy for you.

Bob Axsom
Click to expand...

Ok you hit the nail on the... My mistake was to say hey, (2010) jump in the 442, just a trip around the block,....HeHe, Hit the remote high desert highway down the block, 150 MPH run and lots of screaming.......Realy, it was a fun 45 second run but evidently she did not like it...Hum, ok sorry honey, no more runs in the 442.
 
442?

IMG_0012.jpg


When you say 442 is this what you are talking about?

Bob Axsom
 
My wife and I had sort of an understanding that I would get my PPL and then she would. A few weeks after my check ride, I arranged for her first lessons with my CFI. She had logged about 8 hours in the instructor's Cherokee and was working on her landings. We live at an airpark and I would go outside to watch her landings, inwardly cheering with each one since they were getting better and better. Then, on her next landing, she was about 50 feet above the runway end and I saw the plane make a little "jerk" and roll, then settle down to make the landing. I asked her later what was going on up there and she said that at that very moment in the landing she just panicked, told the instructor, "You do it!", and gave him the controls. She then spent the next few hours struggling to finally admit that she didn't want to spend so much money learning to do something she was so scared to do, and really didn't want to do. She was just doing it for me. I let her off the hook and assured that it was okay not to continue the training. She was also my first passenger and we flew to a local $100 hamburger joint. She soldiered through that experience with white knuckles, revealing that what scared her the most was the fact that her wing came up when making the turns in the pattern! She's really become more and more comfortable flying with me now. No more white knuckles. It does help to be actually going somewhere, though. She doesn't have a love of flying for its own sake. She is, however, willing to help occasionally with the RV build and I sense she's getting more excited about that as more recognizably airplane-like pieces of aluminum come out of the "aircraft factory". :)
 
A quick observation might be useful for those considering first ride with female passenger. A lady observed my build for couple years her kids often stopped by the shop to check how aluminum boat grows. :) After she learned I am already flying she asks if I could take her up. Her kids were very surprised and didn't approve the move. She never been in small plane before very adventurous nature. Well we took off and headed to a local airport with a restaurant. Boy I wish I removed that second stick it was jammed :eek: I told her to relax no joy. We landed, ate and flew back the same story again. Since then I removed the bolt on passenger stick. There is a bulletin I know :D
 
Exceptional.

N355DW said:
I still have the video - loops, rolls, hammerheads and all! (I can give a very gentle acro ride.)

That was almost seven years ago, and we have been married almost six.

I know how fortunate I am. Blessed would be a better word.
Click to expand...

I am also quite fortunate. In fact, I have almost the opposite problem. I get a bit queasy after 15-20 minutes of "spirited" flying, but my wife does not. And I'm Flying! So not fair!

Some of our flights have ended with her asking for a bit more! How crazy is that? :D
 
bret said:
My wife is deathly afraid to fly even a commercial jet. To day for my birthday she said she would taxi around with me, I couldn't believe it, we hopped in the Sky hawk (still building the 7) and taxied around Kmev, then she said we can go up if you want, Really? are you sure? so we did one lap around the pattern and landed, a little crying and other noises but she did it, she said she wanted to do this for me on my B Day! I never thought she would ever do this. I love my wife!
Click to expand...

My wife is the same way, except she is perfectly comfortable on a big jet. When I began my 7 project, she was fine with me building a plane. A short time after I began the build, she lost a colleague to a flight with her family into a thunderstorm. Her friend, her friend's husband and their two children all died in the crash. She has been scared to death of small planes ever since.

Then, out of the blue, on my birthday she gave me a card that read:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I may be crazy
But I'll fly with you!

She went up with me that one time on my birthday. The flight went perfectly smooth the whole way. She finally began speaking on the way BACK to the airport. I guess she figured the worst was over. Although the flight was one of the smoothest I have ever flown, glass all the way, she is still terrified of flying in a small plane. What's a guy to do?

Blue Skies!
 
Wife Scared

This is an interesting subject for me, because my wife of 40 years has always been somewhat uncomfortable flying. The fear is mostly related to turbulence, and occasionally IMC, but she will go. She will fly on the airlines, but only flies private if I am PIC. We have owned several airplanes over the years, including a Cherokee, a Cessna 140 and 150, and many types while I owned an aircraft dealership. She would fly, but only if the weather was good. We also had a Breezy (that I absolutely loved), but she would have nothing to do with.

Now the point of this is that when we got the RV-9, I figured that it would be an uphill battle. So far quite the opposite. She loves the RV. We have been on several long trips in mild turbulence, and some fairly heavy IMC, and she has not "enjoyed" the bumps, but she also has not been frightened. She has been the one who has been enthusiastic about new paint, and selecting the new interior, and she seems now to enjoy going to flying events that before the RV would not have happened.

So thank you Van for an airplane that has made it possible to share my love of aviating with my best friend and wife, and with which she gets more enthusiastic about with each flight. Who knows, in a few months, there may be another RV grin amongst us.
 
A great wife! Smart too!

My wife doesn't really like to fly, and the thought of a small plane is definitely scary for her. However, she watches and helps me build, and is excited about the mobility it will give us. The other day she announced that she will be taking flight lessons and learn to at least land before our maiden voyage! :)
 
I am so envious of you guys that have wives that fly with you. Mine does not. She has the "trifecta" of fear of flying. First, she is claustrophobic, even with the bubble canopy of an RV. Second, she gets motion sickness. Real bad. She even got sick taking the kids to see the movie Twister in the theater. Finally, she has visions of us being a smoking hole in the ground and orphaning our four kids. Never mind the youngest turns 21 this summer. She has said that she doesn't like not being in control when we have flown commercially together. Both times in 29 years of marriage. White knuckle, especially on takeoff and landing.

I have had to accept the fact that my wife will never fly with me. Fortunately, she's a keeper for many other reasons.
 
My wife was afraid to fly in anything. But before we were married, she did
go flying with me. I think a lot of fear has to do with the unkown and trust.
I waited to take her until the day was perfect. No wind or turbulance and once
airborne 10 deg bank max. I did my utmost to make the flight as smooth
an uneventful as possible. Always pointing out things on the ground to keep
her looking outside. We stopped for lunch and then went sightseeing on the
way back. It was a perfect day, with a perfect outcome. Fast forward
11 years, now she want to do rolls and is bored unless it is bumpy. Go figure.
I cannot emphasize enough how flying smooth will win over even the most
nervous.
 
flying Fear

In the beginning my wife said she would not fly because it was too scary.

After several years of me flying with my friends, (leaving her at home,) she felt left out and asked to go for a flight to an airport cafe I always mentioned taking other friends to.

I always spend time with a good briefing with any new passenger. This briefing is simply of the things that will happen and that the plane will fly with out electricity or an engine running. Power is off to land safely.

The things I make them aware of the most are:
1) They are in charge of when we land. Specifically I say:
a. "Give me thumbs up every 10 minutes if you are OK."
b. "Give me thumbs down if you want to land at the nearest airport."
c. "I never goof around with passengers. We will fly safely."

This has always worked because I give them control of when we land and a basic understanding of what will happen. It also worked for my wife. We fly over 10,000 miles every year. She still does not like strong turbulence, but who does?
 
My mother and father both know I am at the airport 3-4 days a week, but don't want to know when I am/ am not in the air, itherwise they would be thinking about it constantly
 
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