Delicate balance between building & family

[avpro56]

I have come across quite a few builders that manage to successfully strike a balance between building and family commitments. During Technical Counselor / DAR visits to various projects, I have queried builders that seem to do well at striking a balance that will keep the project moving and not interfere with family relationships and or job commitments.

One builder (he will read this) that I thought was doing particularly well in this respect is now experiencing difficulty with his wife. Mind you, this wife agreed to the time and financial requirements of the project, gave up her garage and even sanctioned the purchase of a new hangar. She even bought a new SL-30 Navcom for her husband?s birthday. But the builder, seeing the finish line clearly in sight has let the project become the main focus in his life. The airplane has become has major reason for getting up in the morning, and issues concerning the finish of his project are affecting all aspects of his life. He has come to realize that he is obsessed with the project; all the while likely dealing with what many of us men would call a mid life crisis.

If any builders on this forum have had personal experiences along these lines, it would be interesting to review the comments and final outcome of their dilemma; including the solution found to resolve the issue.

[DGlaeser]

My wife definitely considered my building an obsession (I'm flying now), but I did take time for home projects and family. All of my kids are out of the house, and my wife works (teacher), which I think worked to my advantage, except for keeping up with my wife's expectations for helping keep the house neat and clean. There were times when she was ready to hang me from the rafters, but we survived.
We live in Michigan, and one thing I did do during the winter months was be sure I could pull her vehicle into the garage at night. There were a few times that wasn't possible, so it was my job to get it cleaned off and even warmed up in the morning if necessary.
I did do a major home project, complete gut and re-do of the master bath, in the midst of my build, but was able to do most of it during the cold months when working out in the garage was not much fun. I also had a couple of slow times when waiting for stuff (fuselage kit, engine), and I made sure to do stuff around the house during those times.
Just before my DAR visit, her father died after a battle with Parkinson's. My first flight was delayed a week, but the break actually reduced the stress I was feeling, and put things in perspective.
When things got tough, my solution was to force myself to take a break from the project, even if only for a few hours, or a day, and do something for my wife and/or family. It was often obvious that I was doing it 'under duress', but my effort was appreciated for what it was. My kids would tell my wife "Count your blessings - he's not drinking ,or gambling, or chasing women, and you always know where he is (in the garage)". I still count my blessing that she put up with me building an airplane.

[cytoxin]

this is really very simple. do you like to be ignored, broke and lonely....?
not saying that is the case here. but is typical of intense, time eating, monster hobby's. alot yourself some time and stick to it.

[tinman]

When I started the project, my wife and I developed a code word that she could use whenever she needed me to quit working on the project and to spend time with my family. All she needs to say is "uncle". One word, no explanation, no hard feelings. She has only had to use the word once.

[DevDad]

Originally Posted by tinman

When I started the project, my wife and I developed a code word that she could use whenever she needed me to quit working on the project and to spend time with my family. All she needs to say is "uncle". One word, no explanation, no hard feelings. She has only had to use the word once.

I've heard this before from other builders. Something other than "GET IN HERE!" seems to keep people from getting upset. I think a codeword, or a "we need you" notification of some sort out in the garage would go a long way to stopping arguments from happening.

Mike

[Jim P]

I suppose I was able to make it work, after just doing the first flight, and still have same wife and a happy little boy (he's now 5). Then again, I did take 6 years to do a slo-build. I worked mainly on Saturdays and evenings after the boy went to bed, and Sunday's were always family day. I probably did between two and four nights/ a week in the evenings, but nothing too late, usually knocking off aound 10:00 or 10:30.

I suspect the key is expectation setting towards the end of the project. Once the airplane it at the hangar, it's all-consuming and it would be very hard to deny that big desire/ need to get the thing flying. Once flying, then there's always the "new-toy" effect but that's easier to deal with. I put together a binder which contained the printed pages from my web site, TC inspections, and some other stuff and my wife took a look. Being somewhat surprised she said " I new you were updating the computer, but had no idea! This is a Masters Thesis!" Since she had a Masters, the magnatitude of the project jsut clicked.

Jim

[LettersFromFlyoverCountry]

I find that the closer I get to finishing, the more I tend to slip away and work on the project... usually stopping on the way home from work. And I end up working for a couple of hours.

You have to be REALLY careful, I think, around this time of the project.

There's also the coincidental nature of the project with the relationship. Even without the plane, relationships change over time and they can get too comfortable and people begin to take things for granted.

That's never a good idea. So even without the plane project, you can't really keep a marriage together just by being inside. You keep a marriage together by working at it.

So when someone says "get in here," she's saying a LOT more than "get in here," and she's saying a lot more than "you're working too much on the plane." It's important to find out for certain what that is.

[ScottSchmidt]

I consider myself very very lucky to have made it through the building process and now have really enjoyed flying around with my wife.
Here are a couple of things that I feel were key to us.

• I did 99% of the building at home in my garage where we could still hang out together, talk and eat.
• We had date night every Friday night which gave us both something to look forward to.
• I continued to fly around with her in rented 172's and 182's.
• We talked about places we wanted to go.

It does take support from both sides.
I enjoyed reading this perspective from another RV-10 builders wife.
http://www.myrv10.com/N104CD/why/wifesperspective.html

Enjoy.

[RV7Factory]

I read this thread with great interest.

With the addition of a child (our first) and more responsiblities at work, the time I've been able to give the project has greatly diminished, so much so that I have begun to doubt my ability to finish it. I just keep thinking about the day I will get to take my daughter for her first RV ride and I keep plugging away. In the meantime, I too am looking for ways to improve my work/life/RV balance.

On a related note... I think the most productive period of construction so far was my wife's last 4-5 months of pregnancy. At that point she really didn't want to have much to do with me, and was happy when I left her alone.

[TSwezey]

Patience is all I can say! It will get done someday. I finally got mine to the airport and I never have the time to work on it like I was able when it was at home. Follow Scott's advice. For those with young kids work after they go to bed. If you have a new born chances are you will get a few very short moments to work on the plane every couple of days. Do what you can and don't stress about it. The babies grow up fast and try to enjoy it. If you have to watch the baby sleep take some parts in and peel the plastic off them. But the best thing you can do is keep the plane and the building of it at home as long as possible!