A Christmas Story (or "How I almost Shot Down Santa Claus")
A Christmas Story (or "How I almost Shot Down Santa Claus")
'Twas the day before Christmas
and all through the sky
only a few of us were flying
as Christmas was nigh
The controllers were snug
in their towers so high
in hopes that some pilots
would come out to fly
So up, up I went into the burning blue
strapped in my cockpit and looking for clues
as which way to go, for the weather was changing
I turned first to the north,
but found it was raining
So southward I went, where
I could see it was clearing
Not long was I established on my course in the clear
when the tower controller called me over the air
asking "Experimental aircraft, say your position?"
but my reply only added to his confusion
so he said "check behind you, there is a small craft
gaining on you rapidly in an updraft
on collision course, so you better check quick!"
At that time I banked fast after moving the stick
to a 4-G hard turn, and that did the trick
and what should I see approaching from behind
but a flying machine of radical design
'twas a sleigh, open cockpit, two seats side-by-side
and a powerplant of reindeer - brown were their hides
with a pilot clad in red with some white I think
cracking his whip for more power, as he did in a blink
But there was no time to gape at this vision just then
because he was coming around in a bend
coming hard in a turn he was gaining rapidly
pulling behind me with a gleam in his eye almost savagely
"It's a dogfight he wants!", to myself I yelled
"then that's what he'll get!", and then my thoughts gelled
of high maneuvers, as in the olden days,
when Aces wracked their planes around in unusual ways
I gave him a hard turn, a loop and a roll
but he followed me as if I were stuck in a hole
I wracked it around, as if on a turntable
and then I surprised him and suddenly went vertical
That one left him behind, perplexed, in despair
for it seemed I had dissappeared into thin air
And then I reversed, came back down in a flash
was behind him, turning, coming around with great dash
I had him then, dead to rights
I started pulling in to get him into my sights
and to press on the button and say into the mike
"you're mine, Santa Claus, you're a beautiful sight!"
(You can run but you can't hide...)
When all of a sudden, there came back in his wake
eight tiny reindeer poo's, I was afraid it might take
my canopy off, but I dodged most adriotly
and avoided the 'splat' that would be most unsightly
I dodged to the left, I dodged to the right
the reindeer's were poo-ing with all of their might
up and over and across my wings the poo's did fly
but I managed to miss them all, and then with a sigh
I saw he was cracking his whip with such might
he was pulling away, into the heights
He got away, of course, and left me behind
into cloud he disappeared, in a short period of time
But for a moment, I'd had him, and he knew it too
and he got away only because of his reindeer's poo
That I'd won the dogfight it was perfectly clear
but flying home I can't say that I grinned ear to ear
as there was no proof that I'd had Santa Claus
square in my sights with nary a pause
When I landed and put the airplane to bed for the night
to the restroom I trudged as the typical plight
of a pilot long airborne, and short as we say
on time and relief in the usual way
But walking back to my plane somewhat later
occurred an event I can hardly relate here
I saw on my plane, near the cockpit right there
A small red sleigh had been painted with care
as a victory mark, it seemed, like the aces of old
when they had won a dogfight with maneuvers so bold
As I stood there and gaped at this amazing sight
I heard such a clamor off to my right
on runway 34 was a sound so near
of Santa, his whip, and eight tiny reindeer
Then he took off from the runway and into the night, calling
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good dogfight!"
* * * * * * * *
(I wrote this several years ago after a Christmas dogfight with some other RV pals. The muse came, the muse went ... never written anything like it before or since. Hope everyone who's tail-chased gets a laugh out of it! That's what the RV life does: inspires us to do stuff we never dreamed we could...)
Steven
RV3 700hrs
RV grin forever
