ATC Humor

[frankh]

At least after Doug providing them the entertainment they will probably welcome a few more...

Noticed how you can guarantee to scre the landing when you have an audience.

Frank

[tnorman]

Originally Posted by airguy

Last time I came into ADS they frowned on touch and go - this was about a year ago, has that changed?

They don?t mind if you give them a call ahead of time and it is not busy.

[svanarts]

Funniest things I've ever personally heard on the radio:

Me: Champ 15E, ready to go, 25R, left downwind departure
LVK TWR: 15E cleared on 25R

(Stiff headwind and new 85 HP engine gets the Champ off the ground pronto)

LVK TWR: Champ 15E, you didn't get your money's worth out of that runway, your next takeoff is free.

-----------------
And this heard on the radio during an actual engine-out on one of my first long-cross country's with my CFI. We declared an emergency and were being steered toward Mc Clellen AFB.

MCC TWR: Cessna 37K cleared to land any runway any direction
MY CFI: 37K, copy that, understood
(slowly gliding toward runway with prop windmilling)
MCC TWR: Cessna 37K be advised the approach end of the runway is under construction, could you land long?
Me and my CFI: {Blank looks}
My CFI: McClellan.... ah... okay.

We ended up landing on the taxiway which was still much larger than my home airport.

------------------------------

Landing at Nut Tree airport in my Champ. Very stiff crosswind and I was low time. Came in at a pretty good crab and landed almost in that same crab, the airplane bounced a couple of times, tailwheel bouncing first 6 feet this way, then coming back down 6 feet that way, almost ground looped. You get the picture. BUT I only rolled about 200 feet forward on the runway. A King Air was waiting to take off and I heard over the radio: "Now THAT was a short field landing!"

-------------------------------

This one wasn't on the radio but it was funny anyway. I made my first landing up at Columbia (O22) in my Champ and lost it, the plane almost ground looped , I barely held on and went through the dirt between runway and taxiway, almost took out the density altitude display, carreened into the transient tiedown area, hit the brakes (finally) and swing the tail around to stop *almost* perfectly right into a tie down spot. I hopped out and casually tied the plane down like I knew what I was doing. I walked into the lobby and found an old man with a dog just laughing his head off. I gave him an inquisitive look and he said "If you wanted to land in the dirt why didn't you just use the dirt runway?"

(O22 has a grass runway that used to be mostly dirt once upon a time)

[fodrv7]

"Sydney Twr, TJM, we've lost and engine. Would like to turn left and land back on 07."
"Roger TJM, cleared for left down wind. Do you require the fire services."
"TJM, Negative............ Ah! Could you ask them to put the volley ball down."

Pete.

[WildBill]

...[blocked transmission squeal noises]
N#####: "sorry tower, I stepped on you."
Tower: "Thats OK, I've been getting stepped on for 20 years."
Anonymous pilot: "Is that in controlling or marriage?"

[sjhurlbut]

The other day I was approaching into my home airport about 35 nm behind a C172.

FSS: C172 C-xxxx report leaving the zone to the west.
C172: Roger, we can do that. We have a new glass cockpit.
FSS: C172, roger, thanks.
RV: FSS, RV7A, C-xxxx, 35 nm to the east. Inbound for full stop. Request advisory and be advised we have no glass cockpit.
FSS: RV7A, C-xxxx, roger, we're showing you 36 nm to the east. Report entering the zone.
C172: FSS C172 is cleared to the west. Sorry about the glass cockpit comment.
FSS: C172 roger. The RV is now at your 6 o'clock, 2 miles, have a good day.

Steve
RV7A

[the_other_dougreeves]

Originally Posted by airguy

Last time I came into ADS they frowned on touch and go - this was about a year ago, has that changed?

It depends on how busy they are and how much you work with them. ADS can be a busy place with a lot of different types and speeds of traffic. Offer to extend downwinds and make early crosswind turns and they'll be happier.

It may help to tell them your normal final speed and keep up / down as necessary. We're 60 kt on final so I offer to keep speed up when I hear that they have approaching jet traffic. We can also slow up a lot to allow other traffic to before we land.

I suppose that being based there helps as well.

[rmcgann]

After a VERY heavy landing in a B-767, Flight Attendant:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, be careful when opening the overhead lockers as your baggage WILL have moved during the flight.

On behalf of our nameless crew we thank you for flying with us.

You will find your baggage on the ground floor carousel, and a chiropractor on the first floor"

Ron
-10 finishing

[jsherblon]

"Los Angeles Center, request flight level 600."

Center: "How do you plan to get up to 60,000 feet?"

Air Force SR-71 pilot: "We don't plan to go up to it, we plan to go down to it."

Center: "Ah, roger. Cleared as requested."

[4kilo]

Flight of F-16's inbound to Reykjavik: "Reykjavik approach, Viper 4 level twelve thousand feet."

Appr: "Roger Viper 4, descend to and maintain three thousand feet, Reykjavik altimeter one zero one one."

Viper 4: "Ahh... approach, uhh can we have that in inches?"

Appr: "Roger Viper 4, descend to and maintain thirtysix thousand inches, Reykjavik altimeter one zero one one."